a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish my penis had an off switch
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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