before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize