Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
