He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
