let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
