i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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