wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
