Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
