Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
