think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
