dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
