I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
