We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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