He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
