I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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