I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I skipped work to stalk him.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
