Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
