I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
