I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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