bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
