but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
