I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
