I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
