Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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