This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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