If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
