Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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