if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
