yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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