dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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