not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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