I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
4 words: hood of his car
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
