Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
