I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
