i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
