Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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