tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
