She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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