Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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