This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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