i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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