Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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