and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
