I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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