I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
