One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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