you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
accomplished twins. life is a go
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
