I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
