I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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