She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
