wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
