i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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