amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
