i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
