i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
