wanna go halves on a baby?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
