Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't you send me to vm
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
