easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
