How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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