You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think people are normalizing furries
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
