I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
