i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
