If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
