How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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