distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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