I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You are the jesus of drinking
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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