I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
